20 Blessings and Learnings from COVID-19 

20 Blessings and Learnings from COVID-19 

Blessings 2

20 Blessings and Learnings from COVID-19

by: Elizabeth Lewis

Life Coach/Relationship Coach/Author

 

Blessings? What? So many have lost their jobs, freedoms or worse – their lives during the global pandemic of COVID-19!! “Where is the blessing in THAT?” you may ask. Well, I can’t answer that today but over time, I bet we will find a blessing or learning. Here are just a few things that I’ve gleaned through this awful pandemic, so far:

 

  1. The importance of “being still.” We don’t like to be still but being still is needed for so many reasons (reflecting, re-evaluating, re-focusing, hearing God, etc).
  2. The importance of SAVING money so during an emergency you have money. Dave Ramsey’s program suggests you save 6 months’ worth of salary to help in an emergency. My parents taught me this and my kids were taught this. If this has not been your practice, you can start saving NOW in case this happens again? (Your current expenses are likely less during this time… a great time to start saving).
  3. Maybe now we will ALL start to wash our hands more. Before this, only 4 in 10 washed their hands…how awesome if that number could double! That will help during flu season and help us ward off many viruses including the common cold.
  4. This has given us time to reflect on the things most important in life… the answers are found in the VOID and because we live in a noisy world, getting quiet helps us listen. Do you find yourself with more quiet time? If not, it can easily be found. I think we’d collectively agree that connections with others are so vital to living a full life.
  5. This is a BIG one… maybe after this is over, more people will think more about others… we live in an all about me world and with COVID- we have to worry about others more than ourselves. God likely is smiling down on this one.
  6. Maybe we are learning to conserve—toilet paper was short. Did you try to use less? Did you use real plates and not paper plates? Did anyone reuse a baggie or Reynolds wrap? (You may not have gone that far but I remember my grandmother doing this b/c she lived during The Great Depression). We might be recognizing that there are a lot of things we can actually live without. I also know we all are driving less which ultimately helps our global warming issue.
  7. Maybe we have felt the importance of checking in with friends more often? Maybe we are even talking on the phone more? The virtual Zoom meetings and virtual hugs don’t totally cut it…. but… it’s certainly better than nothing at all… I’m grateful for social media because at least I FEEL like I’m looking at my family and friends. There will be LOTS of hugging going on after this…. at least that is my hope.
  8. I know parents more appreciate the role of teachers. Imagine one teacher managing 24-120 kids per day… 175 days a year… keeping them on task, with high expectations, managing behavior issues/administrator requirements/parent demands… AND the pressure of making high test scores. Teachers are also daily heroes in my book.
  9. How many of you got back to having dinner as a family? I grew up doing this 6-7 nights a week… most families have this 0-1 times a week. So even if you are accomplishing this 3-4 nights a week- what a blessing. THESE are the things our kids will remember.
  10. I think many have also appreciated doctors and nurses in our lives but we likely appreciate the WAY more now knowing what they’re “knowingly” walking into each day and then coming back home to their families (many distancing and/or quarantining once home).
  11. For singles living alone, this is/has been a painfully lonely time for many… it has definitely slowed down meeting new people and the good thing is, it may have slowed the “getting to know you stage.” It’s always better to move slowly, especially at the beginning of a relationship.
  12. We are closer as a nation due to comparative suffering. We are all going through the same hardships and loss of freedom. Also, we are grieving as a nation… grieving our freedoms, our routine, our ability to see the people we see and love each day. Our way of living will surely change after this is done (we don’t know what that will look like yet)?
  13. Freedoms… don’t you now appreciate more the daily freedoms we have of going wherever we want, whenever we want? We can’t appreciate “normal” until “normal” is gone.
  14. I think we have found the importance of having a daily schedule. With a schedule, one seems to accomplish more. When you just get up blindly knowing what you’ll do that day…. not as much gets done. This would be true in our “normal” lives so keep a schedule both now and when this is all over.
  15. I think we have learned the difference between calm spreaders and fear mongers. We have learned to not just believe everything that is posted. We have learned to fact check.
  16. On the nice days, do you maybe actually see and talk to your neighbors (with proper distance, of course)? I loved seeing entire families going on walks together. How often did we ever see a family of 5 taking a walk (all ages) pre-COVID? It’s just rare to see. This would be a nice new normal.
  17. Those with teenagers, likely KNOW them better than you would have otherwise. There has been more time for talking and being together. Maybe even some families taught their kids how to cook, change the oil, make a budget, sew a mask, and other skills that most don’t think about teaching their kids because everyone is on the go?
  18. Do you maybe NOW value your health a little more? With good health, our bodies can ward off so much. Instead of gaining the “Quarantine 15” we ‘should’ use this time to get in better shape! (This one I’m struggling with, too).
  19. I noticed that many are looking for ways to encourage one another through social media. Yes, there are still some negative and political posts, but everyone is enjoying showing ways they’re surviving, encouraging others to do the same and of course, dreaming about what we will do after this is all over.
  20. Finally, I think we, collectively, are finding our strength. We CAN make it through tough times (even though staying at home with all our comforts isn’t as tough as those working in the health care industry or a thousand other tough things). All we have to do is be without our normal conveniences. We still have electricity, our computers, cell phones, food to eat, shelter and most have money in the bank (and if not, you’re able to get disability).

 

I know there are many more lessons that we are learning through this global pandemic and I know there are many more blessings to come. Pat yourself on the back for doing YOUR part to help protect others. This one will go in the history books! Maybe your grandchildren will interview you for a school project one day. “Grandma, what was it like living during the COVID pandemic?”  I hope and pray that moving forward, we will be better prepared if this ever happens to us again….

 

Feel free to make a comment of a blessing or a learning you have discovered during this time…

As always, if this is a good time for YOU to get a little coaching, be sure to reach out. www.loveandlaughterlifecoaching.com

 

 

 

Covid-19 and Dating

Covid-19 and Dating

covid kissing

I have had 3 people in the last 24 hours ask me to write a blog about Covid-19 and Dating… this will be short and sweet but here you go….Covid-19 won’t stop people from looking for love… On Monday, OkCupid asked its daters if they’re still willing to go out on dates, and 92% in the US said yes. (That compares with 45% in Italy — where it might be harder to do now that the country has closed up bars, restaurants and the like— and 71% in South Korea, where around a quarter of a million people have been tested since late January.)

 

Here are some things to consider:

 

  1. How healthy are you? If you’re in the vulnerable age range, then be aware of the risks. If you’re not as healthy as you have been in the past, then slow down your contact and speed of meeting and greeting.
  2. Consider with whom you’re in contact. Your elderly parents. Younger grandkids whose parents might be vulnerable?
  3. If you work with sick patients or the elderly, you might want to consider slowing your meet and greets, as well….

 

So how should you proceed?

 

  1. Keep connecting/chatting online. You might add a new question to your discovery. “Have you traveled anywhere lately?”
  2. Go from texting to a phone call.
  3. Facetime/ Skype is a GREAT way to meet without meeting! You can still feel the energy of the person. (I recommend this before meeting someone that lives further away anyway). A fun app called Marco Polo allows you to send video messages to each other. Just something fun and different?

 

The Meet-and-Greet

 

If you still choose to meet….

  • Maybe pick something outside… .a walk/ a hike/ etc.
  • Still public places but maybe a smaller crowd at that location.
  • Wash often. Limit contact. Maybe hold out for that 1st kiss (leave them wanting more!) It’s BEST to go slow anyway so this is a GREAT way to go slow. J

 

So bottom line… follow all precautions given by authorities/experts, but keep connecting via online and technology. In fact, if you’re NOT dating online, I predict a surge in users at this time because people have more time on your hands.

 

If you’d like assistance with dating (off OR online), I can help you! All my prices are on my website along with other options (my classes, my book, etc) that you might find beneficial. http://www.loveandlaughterlifecoaching.com

 

Good luck in your search! This, too, shall pass.

Corona Thoughts and Personal Challenges

corona

There seem to be 2 sides about this on social media…..

  1. Everyone is over-reacting to this. We should keep living life.
  2. This is NOT about us… it’s about protecting others b/c we might be a carrier and don’t know it. We need to listen to the experts and help flatten the curve.

 

Some people are comparing this to the flu…. we just can’t. If we awaken with aches and pains and fever, we know we have the flu and we stay home because we don’t want to infect anyone (and well, we’d feel AWFUL so you wouldn’t want to go out).

 

Corona is different because we might have it for TWO weeks (feeling GREAT) before the 1st sign or symptom. TWO weeks…. Wouldn’t we all feel awful if we knew we made someone ill and double bad if they die? Now I know. I know. Corona does NOT equal death. Far from it for most. But obviously, people ARE dying (young and old).

 

The only example I can think of that might correlate is this: A young couple is “working on” having a baby. Knowing this, when they go out, the wife chooses to not drink alcohol. She knows she COULD drink alcohol BUT because she ‘might not’ be pregnant, but she chooses to protect the “maybe” baby.  Research and doctors tell us that alcohol is not good for the fetus. No, it won’t kill the fetus but it’s not healthy.

 

So with Corona– we don’t know if we are a carrier. Because we know it’s not healthy to be around others when we are sick (even though we don’t FEEL sick), we need to do what is recommended of us by the experts. BUT yes, it stinks because most of us love our lives and want to live it the way we want to live it.

 

When we are inconvenienced, we like to blame someone or something. In this case, I’ve heard;

  1. It’s the media’s fault. They’re trying to scare us. (It’s not the media’s fault. They are giving us facts that are given to them. I’m grateful we have a media that can communicate to us ALL at the same time so we can keep up).
  2. It’s the government’s fault. It’s not the government’s fault. I’m grateful we have elected officials who can support the CDC and the WHO.

If there is a fault at all… it’d fall upon us (individually) for not following the expert’s recommendations. I guess we’d all think a little differently if our loved one contracted the virus, especially if they were already compromised.

 

Now… IF you find yourself at home with more TIME on your hands b/c you’re choosing to lay low… I’d like to give you some suggestions and challenges for you…. Let me know if you accept any of these challenges.

 

  1. Read that book you’ve been meaning to start.
  2. Reflect on your goals (MAKE goals if you don’t have any)
  3. If you’re single start dating online (because everyone is at home and has extra time). You can do it from home in your PJ’s.
  4. If you’re married- think up creative dates to do at home.
    1. Have a picnic in the living room.
    2. Makeup scavenger hunts.
    3. Cook a new meal together.
    4. Play a board game/cards.
    5. Watch a new Netflix series or romantic movie.
  5. Have 1-3 friends over for dinner/game nights.
  6. Brainstorm your passions – your dreams. Which one do you want to lean in to?
  7. Plan your next vacation (for once this passes).
  8. De-clutter all your closets and drawers.
  9. Start on a new home project.
  10. Deep clean places that need to be deep cleaned.
  11. Make a list of people you haven’t talked to in a while and enjoy making phone calls.
  12. Find creative ways to exercise at home.
  13. Sign up for that online class/training you’ve been putting off.
  14. Research something you’re passionate about that might drive you to your next adventure.
  15. Take a hike. Being outside (not around lots of people) should be fine.
  16. Go on a long walk listening to a new podcast.
  17. “I never have time to read the bible/write in my journal/ fill in the blank.” Now you have time!
  18. If your kids are home and don’t have school assignments, encourage them to make goals and how to improve with something. Have them answer…. 1. What are your dreams? 2. How can you add value to others?
  19. Make a bucket list/experience list.
  20. Volunteer to watch a health care worker’s kids so he/s can keep helping care for the sick. OR the same with a single parent that needs help with the kids so he/she can work.
  21. Download the Marco Polo app and send video messages to friends…. and/or FaceTime them?
  22. Take the money you’re saving from NOT going out and donate it to your church and/or favorite nonprofit.

 

 

Shortlist of what NOT to do…. Don’t over-eat, over-drink, over-shop online, lay around watching hours of TV eating potato chips, spending 8 hours on social media, being a hermit and not engaging with anyone. And by all means, stop blaming and complaining and just do what YOU know what to do (wash hands and surfaces often, lay low to help flatten the curve of the outbreak). The quicker we can slow this down, the quicker we can get back to our normal FULL lives. (And doesn’t this make you appreciate your freedom?)

9 Dating Myths I Heard Most in 2019

Dating myths 4

By: Elizabeth Lewis

www.loveandlaughterlifecoaching.com

As a relationship coach, I talk to a LOT of singles. Some are clients who share their most intimate thoughts and feelings about being single. Others are from the classes that I host every other week and lastly, a few who call or message me with their current dating woes… here are the myths I heard the most in 2019:

1. “You’ll find love if you quit looking.”

I’m sure many of you have heard this one. I’ve heard that “advice” usually from married people. Is that the same approach you’d take if you were looking for a job? “I’ll find the job I’m looking for if I just quit looking.” OR “The perfect house that we are looking for will present itself if we just keep looking.” No to all of those. I believe you need to stay open and available in all the ways you’re comfortable. Smile. Be a joy to be around. It’s OK to look at the ring finger of the opposite sex when you walk in the grocery store. It does not mean you are going to go over and tackle him/her for a date. With your full life, it is OK to be online and out there and available to be searched. God wired us for relationship. Just because you are looking for someone does not mean it’s a bad thing. That desire was put inside us, so search all you want as long as you don’t ignore your other life responsibilities (and the people in it) But, remain open with a mental attitude of abundance and not scarcity.

2. Men like it when a woman makes the first move.

It’s true that some men are flattered if they get asked out by a woman. If he’s interested, he’ll say yes and if he’s not he’ll give an excuse for his no (just like a woman would) but in the end, men like it when THEY are the pursuer. Wendy Walsh says, “Sperm chases egg.” Men KNOW they are supposed to pursue…. BUT, I will say…. it is the woman’s job to let them know she’s interested. Women need to do their part in letting them know you’d say yes if they ask. Flirt back if they’re flirting (and you’re welcoming it). Smile and make eye contact to let them know it’s safe to approach. So, bottom line… men… keep pursuing and ladies let them know it’s OK and safe to do so.

3. Nice guys finish last.

Even though it’s true that some women want a “bad boy” and the thrill of going against the grain of what they know is the right thing to do, but in the end, most women want a good man who will love and cherish them. Treat them like a princess and make good decisions…. Especially if they need a good role model for their children (young or old). Nice guys finish on top!! So, gentlemen… keep being nice and doing the right things. The right women will SEE you and let you know it’s safe to pursue!

4. Opposites Attract

At first, when strong attraction is there, we walk ourselves into thinking opposites attract. But, over time, this is not true. Christian Carter says, “Opposites Attract and then Attack.” It is more the norm to have common future desires, values, ethics, cultural backgrounds, similar financial habits and similar religion. In the end, the opposite things will drive you apart and the common interests will drive you closer.

5. Online dating is for liars, cheaters and desperate people.

I could go all day on this one. First, if someone online is lying or cheating, that is NOT an online dating problem. That is a HUMAN character problem. If you met that same person in church or on the street, if they’re a liar or cheater, they’ll still lie and cheat. Match.com (or any other site) doesn’t encourage you to lie about your age or pictures, etc. And as for being desperate? I’d have to disagree with that, as well. If you’re working full time and/or rearing kids and have a full life, it’s one of the best places to go. You can type in your age range, and preferences and have thousands of people that are in your same boat. Offline if you go to a party and meet 10 new people and like 2 of them. You call those 2 and meet them/go on a date. Over time you’ll learn what type of people they are and hope 1 sticks. Online dating is just like a big party. You might like 10 people and talk to 2 of them. You meet and figure out if you’re a good match to continue dating. Because we all have our own unique preferences, there is someone for everyone. It’s not the ONLY way to meet someone, but it’s one of many great ways. I’d say some of the best men I’ve dated, I’ve met from online.

6. I don’t have time to date.

If you have time to eat, you have time to date. This is a good cover for those who have been burned or have had a bad experience with dating. So instead of telling people that they’re struggling, they just say, “I don’t have time.” I feel sure that if you were ready to date and met someone in which you were attracted, you’d somehow find time. (There are many other excuses I hear about covering up hurt, but this one is one I heard most often this past year).

7. Dating apps (like Tinder, Hinge and Bumble) are just for hookups.

This is a very popular myth! If you’ve heard that, you’ve likely turned around and said it to others. Then those others don’t even give it a try. You’ll find players, marrieds, people looking for threesomes and those who want forever love. Dating apps are just yet ANOTHER way to meet people in your same boat. So, it IS true that you ‘can’ find those who are just looking for a hookup. (You’ll also find those in church, in the grocery store and at every bar in town looking for the same). But there are plenty—millions, in fact—of people who long for real human, forever connection, just like you. If the conversation turns sexual after you have connected, you can just “unmatch” them and move on.  So just proceed with caution, like you would on any other site or in real life, and definitely message a little before meeting. I’ve met some wonderful friends from Tinder and Bumble.

8. Dating is too disappointing and there’s too much rejection.

Ahhhh… no one likes rejection, right? Not men OR women, but unfortunately, if you want to date, this will likely be something each of you will at some point encounter. Here are some thoughts on the matter:

  1. Rejection is God’s Protection- sometimes we don’t understand why we’re getting rejected but in hindsight (or perhaps we never know why) we’re being protected from someone who is not good for us.
  2. Think of dating like someone in sales. You might have to get 100 no’s before you get a yes. You might think, “What? 100 no’s???” Yup… BUT not only does the yes feel so good, you’ll become a better screener and will eventually get fewer no’s and more yes’s.
  3. The rejection is not always about you. S/he may not be in the same place as you or has different preferences, so look at the rejection as a good thing. Now you’re open and available for the person that IS right for you. So the rejection many times is a blessing.

9. “Something must be wrong with him/her. He/she has been single for ten years and still hasn’t found anyone.”

This is yet another negative, inaccurate judgment. There are so many factors that go into finding the right person. Society’s pressure of being ‘married to be worthy’ is an unspoken pressure. No one says it out loud but it’s heard by questions such as, “Why hasn’t someone snatched you up yet?” OR “Why are you still single? In my book, I quote that “Dating is 90% timing and 99% don’t work out! Only 1 makes it in the end.” There are many reasons why someone is not a match. Should you just give up? Of course not! Dating is about learning. The more you date, the more you learn. You learn what you like and don’t like, need and don’t need. If you are a high-quality man or woman, you must remain open for the same to find you. I have many high-quality men/women friends. Stay the course, keep connecting, keep going on dates and meeting new people, keep working on you, pray, find ways to serve others, keep your active, enriching and fun life. God is still refining you and your future mate. It is going to be more than amazing when it happens.

Have you ever thought about hiring a Life Coach/Relationship Coach to help you date or with your life? You might think, I don’t need a Life Coach…. You might not… BUT …. I believe everyone needs a therapist and a life coach. Me included. I have both. If one is available to you (there are many of us out there) and you’d like to learn a new way of thinking about dating/life that might move you to a more forward/positive place, why not give it a try? What if you can’t afford it? Save your money! It’ll be worth it and add value to your life if you have even ONE of the above limiting beliefs. (If you would like to use ME as your Life Coach/Relationship Coach, you can find my rates (and all the things/classes/coaching that I offer) at http://www.loveandlaughterlifecoaching.com/

If you choose to not hire a Life Coach/Relationship Coach, surround yourself with POSITIVE people who support your efforts in dating and life and won’t bring you down with negative talk about the process. You ARE worthy of love and if you BELIEVE it’ll happen — it WILL!! (If you believe it won’t, that will also come true).

There are many other MYTHS in the dating world… I just picked a few that I’ve heard most often this year. There are many perspectives around different ways to date, sex, how to best communicate off and online, do’s and don’t’s and pros and cons of online dating, etc….. I’d be happy to share more with you either by reading my book or having a 15 min. FREE consultation to see if we are a good fit for each other. (No pressure to hire me).

** I also coach married men/women, and all ages. Life Coaching is about helping people move forward in LIFE!**

If you’d prefer to start with reading my book, here is the link… https://www.amazon.com/First-Date-Next-Mate-Perspectives/dp/1723909971/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1560166102&sr=1-1

I hope for YOU to find GREAT love in 2020! I hope you’ll reach out if I can be of ANY assistance to you!

9 Most Fatal Mistakes People Make When NOT Choosing a Life Coach

By: Elizabeth Lewis

http://www.loveandlaughterlifecoaching.comlife coach 3

 

I’ve always said everyone needs a therapist and a life coach. You might think that’s because I AM a Life Coach. Well, I’m sure that plays a small part in my thinking… but when I became a Life Coach, I didn’t even know what a transformational career it’d be; not only to my clients but also to me. Coaches help you stretch beyond what you’d do on your own and help you break free from your comfort zone so you can grow and thrive in every area of your life. They help you brainstorm, tackle and concur your fears so you can move forward. Here is what I’ve learned about why people DON’T hire a life coach.

 

  1. “I don’t even know what a Life Coach is?” Many people ‘hear’ the term Coach or Life Coach… but don’t totally know what they do. All coaches are a bit different and many have a ‘niche,’ in which, they specialize, but ALL coaches are about helping you move FORWARD in whichever way you need to move forward. It doesn’t mean you’re broken or has issues or are a weak person. Rather, in contrast…. every world-class athlete, performer, top CEO’s and even Tony Robbins has a Life Coach. (I have one, too). The focus is on positive change: stating this is where I am now, then, what do I want next? Essentially, Life Coaching helps you think differently and learn for yourself what is best for you.  Seeking coaching is more a sign of strength than a weakness because unless you keep growing, you’re dying.

 

  1. “I can do life on my own. I don’t need a coach.” I’d say, you don’t know what you don’t know until you know it. Because no one’s life is perfect and everyone has ‘something’ he/she could improve, a Life Coach is a perfect person to help you focus and raise the bar of how you’re currently operating. Are you living your life purpose? Are you living your life ON purpose? Are you taking risks and engaging life in the best way you know how are playing small? Are you productive/organized? Are you meeting your monthly/yearly goals? Do you even have goals? How are you with managing money? What is the quality of your relationships? ALL of these are GREAT reasons to hire a Life Coach.

 

 

  1. “I have God and that’s all I need.” I certainly won’t disagree that God is all we really need (and is the ultimate Life Coach). I’m a very spiritual person and spend lots of time talking with God…. But I still think it best to process all of life’s conundrums with a coach. Especially one that can help you with your spiritual questions, if that is a concern. God is very much a part of the process, should you lean that way. If you don’t believe in God, you likely believe is something outside of yourself and still want the best life possible. A coach can help you with that.

 

  1. “It costs too much money.”                                                       Just like all meaningful goods and services, it’s something for which you can save your money. You’re making an investment in YOURSELF…. You spend money on home improvements, your wardrobe, a gym membership, beauty and health supplements, entertainment and eating out. You likely just don’t understand the value of having a coach. A Life Coach will help you clean the cobwebs out of your brain and get you thinking with an abundance mindset and help you diminish your limiting beliefs. What you are doing now impacts your tomorrow. How are you investing in yourself? YOU are WORTH the investment.

 

 

  1. “What if the Coach hasn’t had any experience in the area I need help?” Most Coaches do not need to be an expert in the area you need help. YOU, the client, are the one with the answers. The coach simply works you through questions and activities that have YOU come up with the answers. A Life Coach does not sit and give you all the answers. The opposite happens… THEY ask YOU questions and YOU get to decide what is best for you. A coach that too closely mirrors you may share many of your own blind spots and biases. Also, most coaches will give you a FREE consultation to make sure you’re a good fit for each other. If not, they’ll recommend you to someone better suited…

 

6. “My parent/best friend help me when I need help.”

While processing life with a close parent and/or best friend has GREAT value, most times they are not objective enough to help you. They’ll comfort you and encourage you but they are IN IT just like you. A coach has a different perspective… more of a bird’s eye view and is more objective. Hiring a coach won’t eliminate your need to process with parents/best friends. It’ll enhance your support team in helping you be the BEST you can be.

  1. “My life is good enough. I’m happy with my life just as it is.”

Rationalizing yourself that overall, your life is ‘good enough’ kills dreams. It’s stuffing them in a drawer of complacency. Actually, being content is good but not at the expense of holding you back from your dreams! Even if it feels scary… FEAR is what holds everyone back. But you can also concur that fear and step into it and have an even more amazing life. We are here to help you celebrate the life that you have and cheer you on to an even better life!  Good just isn’t ‘good enough’ anymore. We were created to do and be much more!!

 

  1. “I’m shameful about certain aspects of my life and I don’t like talking about them.” It’s true that you might need therapy before hiring a coach, but coaching conversations are compass conversations. They are without borders and judgments and that compass is pointing at cultivating a richly expressive and meaningful life in every area of your life. Coaching isn’t about fixing, it’s more about fine-tuning. It’s about identifying how to make your life more alive, a holistic approach to living a balanced prosperous life. Brene Brown says that shame hates to have words wrapped around it. So, hiring a coach might be the most FREEING thing you’ve done in a long time! (All coaching is, of course, confidential).

 

  1. “I’m skeptical. I’m successful and don’t understand the value in hiring a coach.” A coach can push you to look at the things you want to ignore, enable you to see things you were unaware of and show you perspectives of which you were unaware. Someone once said the world needs dreamers and doers—actually we need dreamers who do. A coach will help you identify and keep you accountable for your values and dreams. Once you are successful, it’s time to up your game even more. Why? Because you can! You MUST!

 

Mark Twain said there are 2 days that are most important in your life. The day you were born and the day you find out why.

Here is a quote from David Frank Gomes, a Mindfulness/Life Coach

It’s not about problem-solving, but problems get solved.
It’s not about performance, but performance improves.
It’s not about goals, but they get achieved easier.
It’s not about results, but they improve naturally.

Coaching is not about making life problem-free, but about giving depth and value to your experiences that come from mindful living and thinking. It’s a way of effectively supporting people and cultures to empower themselves, find their own answers and support and nurture that process. It taps into the human need for collaboration in a non-judgmental way.

Your coach is listening to the very best in you, even when you can’t always hear it yourself.

 

Who am I (Elizabeth Lewis) and why should you hire me?

 

First, there are MANY good coaches out there and if we are not a good fit for each other, I can recommend a different coach.

 

Secondly, you should hire me because I’m well-trained (via CTI- Coaches Training Institute), passionate, spiritual, organized, and will make you a priority. I also make myself AVAILABLE. Each client gets full text/email privileges between sessions for that last-minute question that needs to be processed. My ‘niche’ is working with relationships… any relationships… romantic (single or married), family, friendships… I LOVE life and LOVE people and I’d love the opportunity to be YOUR Life Coach. If you live in Louisville or surrounding areas, I coach in my home. For out of town/state clients, we can coach by phone, Facetime, Skype or Zoom meeting.  I will give you a FREE consultation to ensure you’re a good fit for me and for you to see if I’m a good fit for you. No pressure to hire me. I have plenty of clients who rotate in and out and am happy with however many clients I obtain.

 

Schedule your FREE consultation today. Schedule here and be sure to send your cell number. https://calendly.com/elizabeth-loveandlaughter

 

My website had my rates and everything I offer. Be sure to ask me all the questions you have about Coaching.

www.loveandlaughterlifecoaching.com

 

Is it time for your metanoia? (meh-tah-NOY-ah)

Noun- The journey of changing one’s mind, heart, self or way of life.

 

The time is NOW! Make your MOVE!

Singles and Their Stinkin’ Thinkin’

Stinkin-Thinkin 3

Singles and Their Stinkin’ Thinkin’

by: Elizabeth Lewis

Life Coach/Relationship Coach/Author/Speaker

http://www.loveandlaughterlifecoaching.com

 

As a Life Coach/Relationship Coach, I am a professed love-a-holic…. I LOVE love! Even though I can coach most any client (any age or category) ready to move forward in life, I work a lot with singles. Mostly “Next” time around singles…. meaning divorced, widowed, or even a little older and never married. After talking with singles for 7 years, coaching for 4 years, authoring a book about dating the “Next” time around, I’ve seen the following patterns/MYTHS in singles’ stinkin’ thinkin’. (So listen up singles and STOP having these limiting beliefs!!)

 

  1. “There are no more good men (women) out there.”

Singles are STILL saying this AND the worst part is they believe it to be true. It’s NOT true. Good men (and women) are everywhere…. God gives them to us every day and we get the free will to choose them or not. You have to BELIEVE they are everywhere and then guess what? You’ll actually start SEEING them everywhere.

  1. “I’m not _____ enough.” (Thin enough, young enough, pretty enough, smart enough, rich enough, etc.)

If you look around at all the couples out there, you’ll find MANY that are NOT thin, not so young, live paycheck to paycheck and/or don’t have a college degree or even are not very pretty/handsome. If you don’t think you’re “enough” then that is the vibe you’re putting out there and it escapes through the energy of who you are. You might say, “I try to be positive,” and you might occasionally say a positive thing or two (like it’ll happen in God’s time) but if you examine the comments you say out loud to your other single friends, it’s usually not that positive (and you’d like to believe that God will bring him/her to you but the bible doesn’t tell us He’ll bring that special someone to us. All we can do is be/become the right person and the person we are looking for will appear BUT with free will, we STILL get to choose them or not). Remember, good men/women are actually everywhere.

  1. “Online dating stinks and just doesn’t work!”

If you’re online and are actually meeting people (I call these “meet-and-greets”), then you’re having a SUCCESSFUL time with online dating. Online dating ‘success’ doesn’t mean you go online and find “the one” in the amount of time you are subscribed. Success means using it as the introduction service that is is to actually meet singles (in real life) you would not otherwise meet. Just as you might go to a party and meet 10 new “friends” and maybe like 1-2 of them. Going online shows you thousands of singles in your age group and area, and you might find 1-2 you’d like to explore more. AND if you only try it for a few months, that’s not long enough to give it a full try. That’s like saying, “I went to 2-3 parties and didn’t find the one so I’m not going to go to any more parties. Going to parties just didn’t work.”

 

  1. “The people on online dating sites are liars.”

Yes, you will see people online lying about their age and/or pictures… BUT… that is not online dating’s fault. It’s a human behavior problem. HUMANS lie. Dating sites don’t. People lacking confidence in who they are (believing they are ‘not enough’) choose to lie. The dating site doesn’t encourage them to lie. Also, you could go to all your offline places and find the same number of liars and cheaters. So again, it’s not the dating site’s fault. Dating sites are a GREAT way to meet new people who are also ready to love again. (Not the ONLY way but one way). ** If you have not had luck doing this, I CAN help you with this! **

 

  1. I’ve heard that Tinder is just a “hook-up” app.

 

Tinder does have the reputation of being a hook-up app. You’ll find players, marrieds, people looking for a three-some AND people wanting a forever love. Can you also find these with the paid dating sites? Or at a bar? Or even at a church? You can. I look at Tinder (and other apps like this) as yet another way to meet people you would not otherwise meet. The men (and women) who want sex only will very quickly let you know through messaging each other, that that’s what they’re looking for. If that is not a match for you, you simply ‘unmatch’ them. I suggest you try Bumble. It’s similar, but the women have to message first within 24 hours (or the match goes away) and the man has to respond in 24 hours, or it goes away.

 

  1. “I give up! I’ve been single ___ years. If it hasn’t happened by now, it never will.” (Ever said or heard this one?)

LISTEN, folks…. Society’s pressure of being ‘married to be worthy’ is an unspoken pressure. No one says it out loud but it’s heard by questions such as, “Why hasn’t someone snatched you up yet?” OR “Why are you still single? You are pretty and seem like a quality woman?” OR “You’ve been single how long? Why have you never remarried?” OR “You’re 50 and have never been married?” Sound familiar? There is judgment in the question! Singles do NOT like these questions because it adds to the unworthy feelings they are already having. Just because you have been single 10 yrs., 15 yrs., even 20+ yrs. does NOT mean it won’t happen and it especially doesn’t mean you’re not good enough! SOCIETY applies this pressure and singles also apply to it to others in the single’s world. Let me give a recent, personal example. I have had people say, “Elizabeth’s a relationship coach and hasn’t married anyone yet? What does she know about dating and finding love?” (Implying that I’m not worthy or how can I be a good coach or know what I’m talking about). Actually, I DID have an amazing love (who died on 9/11/05) and if I never love again, I was lucky to have had that kind of love. Now, I could believe I’m a no good coach or person or unworthy of love and spiral down to that negative, “There must be something wrong with me” place OR I could know the truth about me… that I’m a total catch, have LOTS of love to give the right man who is ready, am an amazing God-fearing, loyal high-quality woman who is totally worthy (and I have a strong belief that it WILL happen and have no doubts about it.) Just maybe not by society’s unspoken standard. (It’s also possible to be a couples therapist and not be married and a single minister can also counsel married couples, etc.) So, stop judging about your not married/remarried friends. (My book covers MANY reasons why this can be an issue the “next” time around).

 

  1. “I don’t NEED a Life Coach/Relationship Coach to help me date or with my life.”

You might not… BUT …. I believe everyone needs a therapist and a life coach. Me included. I have both. If one is available to you (there are many of us out there) and you’d like to learn a new way of thinking about dating/life that might move you to a more forward/positive place, why not give it a try? What if you can’t afford it? Save your money! It’ll be worth it and add value to your life if you have even ONE of the above limiting beliefs. (If you would like to use ME as your Life Coach/Relationship Coach, you can find my rates (and all the things/classes/coaching that I offer) at www.loveandlaughterlifecoaching.com).  If you choose to not hire a Life Coach/Relationship Coach, surround yourself with POSITIVE people who support your efforts in dating and life and won’t bring you down with negative talk about the process. You ARE worthy of love and if you BELIEVE it’ll happen — it WILL!!

There are many other MYTHS in the dating world… I just picked a few that I hear most often. There are many perspectives around different ways to date, sex, how to best communicate off and online, do’s and don’t’s and pros and cons of online dating, etc….. I’d be happy to share more with you either by reading my book or having a 15 min. FREE consultation to see if we are a good fit for each other. (No pressure to hire me). ** I also coach married men/women, and all ages. Life Coaching is about helping people move forward in LIFE!**

 

The book link on Amazon (where you can also read some great reviews and preview my book) is

To schedule a FREE 15 min. consultation, click here.

https://calendly.com/elizabeth-loveandlaughter

 

I LOVE people, LOVE my clients and LOVE love….. I’m here to help you stop this Stinkin’ Thinkin’.

 

** For my married friends…. I still have a group called Connecting Couples. This fall I’ll restart my Monthly Connecting Couples Class. I love to get couples who are doing GREAT… and keep them GREAT so they don’t end up in my single’s class…. Stay tuned!

 

Feel free to contact me via Facebook https://www.facebook.com/loveandlaughterlifecoaching/ or through email Elizabeth.loveandlaughter@gmail.com

Why are Christians Sometimes So Mean?

By: Elizabeth Lewis

mean ppl pix

The word “Christian” is used a lot. What does it really mean when we say we are a “Christian” nation? I see mean posts on Facebook…. written by Christians. I hear gossip everywhere… spoken by Christians. A step further, I witness Christian friends (who just left church) ‘hearing’ gossip about someone, believing it as truth, then treat that victim of gossip differently. Shunned. Or worse, the gossip is repeated to others without verification. Reputations tarnished. Hurt feelings. Friendships broken. All to find out everyone is believing something that isn’t even true….. spoken and spread by Christians.

 

I see Christians taking sides politically – bashing different opinions than our own. I’ve seen people unfriending those who actually think differently than they….believing your side is right and theirs is wrong. I see sexual infidelity (both in and outside of marriages) – over half of America is divorced. Then lots of bashing language around someone they used to love so much. I see hate crimes, prejudice, judgments about anyone but ourselves. Yes, all done by “Christians.” I could go on and I know you also have your own list of the mean things “Christians” do and say… you might see yourself in this list… I’ve been guilty of a few listed here (gossip), myself. It’s easy to get caught up in gossip. Where is Jesus in these moments? Why do we so quickly forget the way we are asked (by God) to respond?

 

Yes, we all fall short and sin… daily. Yes, we all need grace… but do we just keep going to church on Sunday and then keep repeating the same sins over and over again? We think that just because God will give us grace, (and He will), that gives us permission to act and speak as mean as we want. We ARE granted grace, but there ARE consequences to our behaviors. How can we keep each other more accountable?

 

Because this blog is about being MEAN…. not all the other sins out there…. wouldn’t you agree that we ALL have the ability to be kind or mean? No matter our age? Do you wonder, why can’t everyone just be kind? I can expect a 3rd grader (the age I used to teach) to not always be kind but the older we get, aren’t we supposed to get better at being kind and not worse? Even 1st graders are taught kindness….didn’t you teach your kids to be kind? Kids know how to be mean or kind, too, and can make the same choices we do. But we, as adults, have experience and wisdom!

 

The Bible says, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity” (Col. 3:12-14).

 

My favorite is 1 Corinthians 13 the “love” chapter. Love is patient, kind, not rude or easily angered or jealous….always protects…

 

My next favorite is the Fruit of the Spirit… Galatians 5:22-23

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

 

Gary Thomas said, “If you are arrogant, harsh, impatient, unkind, and judgmental instead of compassionate, patient and gentle, you are not acting as one of “God’s chosen people” regardless of how many graduate degrees you have, how many Bible verses you know, how many books you have published, how big your church, organization, or social media impact is or even how well you control yourself sexually. It doesn’t even matter if you are “right” on the issue if you are acting in a wrong manner. You’re adding to the overall problem rather than being part of the solution.”

 

“One of the greatest temptations to be mean, of course, is when we catch someone else in a sin. We’ve all read of the Pharisees who caught a woman in the act of adultery (obviously and discriminatorily letting the man go!) and demanded she be publicly shamed, which Jesus refused to do. The Pharisees were right in thinking adultery is wrong; they were wrong in that they were acting in a mean instead of a redemptive way. This mob mentality currently has the Internet on its side, so public shaming can now be national and even international.”

 

So, you might be asking, “Will we learn? What can we do about this? How can we raise the bar for ourselves AND for our children who are observing every move we make?” Those of us who call ourselves Christians, how can we all quit being so mean? (You realize we are all selectively mean… since we all have the choice to be kind or mean. Why not choose to be kind? Every time?)

 

You might say, “Well she just makes me so mad. I want her to feel as bad as I do so I lash out in anger.” Is that what a 30+ person reacts or a 1st grader? Or you might say, “Our national leaders have no problem being mean, especially in an election. No wonder our nation is mean. It’s everywhere.” This is an excuse and turns us into victims. Just because someone in leadership is being mean, does not give you permission to follow suit. In fact, as a Christian, we are to be held to a higher standard. YOU be the leader and respond kindly…. THAT is leadership.

 

Wisdom HAS to help us respond differently. Right? No one can MAKE you mad. They might say something that isn’t nice but why react with hate and meanness? The cycle just won’t stop, if you do. If you respond with kindness, won’t they soften? They likely will! If you’re mean to them, they’ll, in turn, be mean back. (Didn’t we all learn this in kindergarten? Didn’t we teach this to our children?) Did your grandma ever teach you to “Kill them with kindness?” We need to realize, if they speak hateful words, it’s because they hate themselves. If they’re jealous of you, it’s because they’re filled with jealousy that you have something they don’t have (a spouse/GF/BF, job, money, privileges, etc). If they hurt you, it’s because they’re hurt inside themselves. If they respond with love, it’s because they love themselves. Be the example of LOVE! Respond with LOVE! (No, this is not always easier; although it CAN be if you do it over and over again).

 

Well, we all know we can’t change everyone else but we CAN change our own reactions and ways of behaving. Through those reactions, people will see the RIGHT way to be and perhaps react the same way. They will see Jesus in you and inadvertently, also be like Jesus, whether they know it or not. It will just feel like the correct way to respond.

So here are some examples you can try:

  • “Did you hear ____ about Josie? She thinks she’s so _____. She always _____.” Your response: I did not hear that and I don’t want to make a judgment until I talk to Josie myself to confirm that is even true. OR “I did not hear that and I don’t think we should talk about her without her here to defend herself.” OR “Did you talk to Josie about this or did you just hear it from someone else?” Even if you think you SAW a certain behavior, it’s still a good idea to ask before making a judgment.
  • On a heated political post on Facebook, you click like and make a strong comment bashing the opposing side. Instead, your response could be…. No ‘like’ button with no comment. Why? Well, your opinion isn’t going to change the other side. Just like they can’t change your mind about your side. Instead say, “We both have our strong political views… we likely should just hope and pray for the best solutions for all Americans.” OR “We disagree politically and this is likely a better in person conversation.”
  • “Did you hear that Helen is pregnant? She’s only 18 and her father is even a preacher! I bet they are freaking out!” A better response… “I did not know. I think I’ll reach out to her and see if there is anything I can do to help support her upcoming challenge. Sounds like she’s going to need lots of support.”

I know you get the idea… it’s easy to read these and even agree with them, but when it comes to actually doing these, actually saying the right thing, it’s harder than it seems. But once you do it, each time will get easier AND maybe other “Christian’s” will get to see a better example of how a “Christian” is to respond.

So, how will you proceed? How will you spread more love and cut down the mean? Comment below if you have more good ideas from which we can all benefit! I’m going to get better at holding my tongue and be ‘aware’ when I’m entering into a conversation that sounds like gossip. My response if my responsibility!