Coaching first……why people aren’t sure about hiring a life coach.
- What is it?
The profession has been around the last 20 years and people are just now hearing more about it but there’s still come confusion about what a “life coach” really is (and some are embarrassed to ask). Life Coaching is a profession that is profoundly different from consulting, mentoring, advice, therapy, or counseling. A life coach is a person who explores and encourages clients on matters having to do with career or personal challenges. He/she helps you get from where you are in life now, to where you want to go. It’s all about YOU and what you wish to achieve in your life. Your coach reminds you of your strengths, helps you to feel better about yourself and gives you valuable feedback on your thoughts and behavior to support you in moving forward. The focus is on positive change: stating this is where I am now, what do I want next? Essentially, life coaching helps you to think differently and learn for yourself what is best for you. It will sometimes stretch you and sometimes is plain fun!
- Too much money?
We all spend money on what we value – what better value is there than the value of YOU! Don’t think of it as a certain amount of money per hour. Think of it as investing in YOU and your future. Everything of worth has a price tag attached. If coaching can help you discover different perspectives and help move you forward—I think that’s a great investment. If you don’t have the money now, save for it like you would a new outfit or a vacation.
- “I might look like you don’t have it all together.”
First, remember perception is not always reality. Secondly, who has it all together anyway???? Nobody I can think of. Even those who “appear” to have it all together (perception) still have things they’d like to explore deeper. I’m a life coach and I have a life coach. I personally, think everyone should have a therapist AND life coach. The therapist is trained to look back into your past to work out places you may be stuck and a life coach, primarily, will help propel you forward. It’s a great marriage (therapy and coaching). One thing is true about all of these things. No matter what you feel, you are not broken, nor do you need “fixing”. You are naturally creative, resourceful and whole when it comes to you and your life. A life coach can help you tap into that.
- “I’m not sure I can be that vulnerable with someone I don’t know well.”
Being vulnerable is never easy for anyone (women as well as men). It exposes parts of us we don’t want anyone else to see. There is shame buried in many of us from childhood (therapy!) and we want to break free and move forward (coaching). Being vulnerable is the ONLY way to live life fully. Brene Brown’s work (on vulnerability and shame) is worthy reading (The Gifts of Imperfection is one of her books I just finished). She said we need to embrace vulnerability- how we know ourselves is important but how we treat ourselves is the most important. Knowing is easier than feelings for some. Brene Brown was not hijacked by her data but was rescued by it. Why are we afraid of vulnerability? We think of it as a dark emotion—feelings we don’t want to feel. So we armor up and close up. Vulnerability is the center of difficult emotions but it’s also the birthplace of wonderful emotions: Love, belonging, joy, empathy. In the end, we are more authentically who we are when we are vulnerable.
- “I don’t NEED a life coach. I’m happy. My life is just fine the way it is.”
So, why would someone need a life coach if they’re already happy? It’s the perfect time for a life coach. When you’re happy, and you love where you are, you’re more likely to be open to growth and change. You’re more likely to wonder what else is out there for you to reach out and grab and be more willing to do the work. I’ve met many people that are unhappy that are willing to do the work as well, but being happy can be a great motivator as well.
One last comment about coaching. Life coaches aren’t magic bullets, or magic pills. The solution always resides inside of YOU, but many times we are so fearful, we can’t hear or see it. Coaching can help you look at any situation from a different perspective to get you out of that paralyzing fear.
My hope for you and all people is that when they are ready, invest in YOU and get a coach.
Dating Consultant? You’re a WHAT?!?!?!?
Every time I go to a networking event (or even talking to my friends) there’s a nervous laughter when I tell them my niche is working with singles and that I’m a dating consultant. Nervous laughter because they just don’t know what to think of that. It’s NOT a common profession you meet on the street every day. A common first question is….. “Are you like a Hitch?” Then comes, “Are you a matchmaker?” The answer to both of those is no. My answer is I help people date. What that means is no matter where they are with dating (newly divorced, single 10 years, never married, etc) I help them look at different perspectives in dating. There are lots of “experts” out there giving advice which may or may not fit into your core values. I’m not a professed expert. I’m a coach. A coach who has played the game and wants to help others learn and play. I incorporate my coaching into my dating consulting and help people honor their values. All the decisions still come from the client.
Why don’t people want to hire a dating consultant? All the same reasons as above EXCEPT also add, “I don’t want to appear too needy.” There’s nothing needy about wanting to move forward and getting to a different, more positive place than where you are now. There are LOTS of mistakes being made in the dating world (I know because I’ve made lots of those mistakes) and it’s just SOOO different the 2nd (or 3rd or 4th) time around. So hiring someone you can be real/vulnerable with who can incorporate coaching and work on the WHOLE you is a win all the way around. Many of my clients just refer to me as their life coach and don’t even say dating consultant. That’s OK. Everything is confidential and no one will even know you’ve hired me unless you tell them. Again—no shame in wanting to move forward to a more positive place!
If/when you’re ready to hire a life coach and/ or a dating consultant, check out my website www.loveandlaughterlifecoaching.com to learn more about what I do and see the packages offered. (no age limit or marital status limit- anyone can be coached). I give a free 15 min. consultation to see if we’re a good fit for each other. If we are not, I have other life coaches (or therapists) I can direct you.
Sept. 1, 2015, I’m beginning a radio show called Love and Laughter. It’s a call in show about relationships. Married, singles, friendships. For 13 weeks I’ll have different guests (authors, national relationship experts, therapists, attorneys, and other life coaches). I hope you’ll listen and even call in!! WKJK 1080 AM 7:00 -8:00 PM. Every Tuesday night for 13 weeks! (Can be heard on iHeart radio app).