As a dating consultant, many times my friends and clients will ask questions like, “Why am I still single?” “Why don’t men (women) seem to like me?” “Why can’t I get a date for Friday night?” When they ask these types of “why” questions, there is needless shame implied and these questions lead to nowhere! Instead ask more thought provoking questions like, “What am I learning about being single?” “What is it about men/women that I like/don’t like?” “What parts of me do I need to work on to make ME a better future mate?” And as Andy Stanley says, “Am I who the person I’m looking for is looking for?”
We don’t always like these types of questions because we might discover some truths we won’t like or are unwilling to fix. In our fast pace/ fast food culture, we want quick solutions. However, growing ourselves is not an event, but rather a process. (For some of us, a longer process than we’d like). No way will we master perfection, but we CAN become less angry and skeptical, attain more understanding, learn to love ourselves and overall make steady improvements. We need to remain curious as a way of being, rather than always feeling the need to fix what we think is so wrong with us. When we are curious, we have a sense of wonder…. we can constantly reflect and learn.
There are things in life that we know and things we don’t know. When we seek to know all of the answers, our life then becomes limited by that which we already know. When we seek to ask deep, relevant questions, our lives are only limited to the extent of our courage and willingness to learn and to try something new.
Author, Katherine Woodward Thomas, asked her client, “What is the most important thing you learned in our work together that opened the way for love to come into your life?” He said, “I learned to be comfortable with being uncomfortable—that it’s OK to be in unfamiliar territory where you don’t know who you are or what you are supposed to be doing. Because that’s where the possibility of love is.”
“We cannot solve the world’s problems at the same level at which they were created.” Albert Einstein
Blog inspired by Calling in “The One” by Katherine Woodward Thomas